Performance Art Day October 2016 Wild Goose Creative

Wild Goose Creative hosted a second Performance Art Day back and October. They gave me a chance to start my project I'm Afraid of You. I wanted to challenge myself to sit in front of strangers and make eye contact and talk. I have trouble with this on a regular basis. I have had more than one conversation with people who thought I was very mean and stuck up when they first met me, because I was so quiet and aloof. It's shyness really. My mother had the exact same experience growing up. I also usually have a pretty intense look on my face which makes me unapproachable.

There were a few artists who were doing their projects all day and I was one of them. I sat at a cardboard kiosk and waited for people to sit and talk. I went with no wig and no costume so that I didn't have my armor on. I had to be honest and tell people exactly why I would be afraid to talk to them. I wasn't surprised that mostly it had to do with my own insecurity.

The idea was to talk to people but it did get loud in the room, so eventually it turned into writing back and forth. (Spelling was an issue here which doubled the anxiety!) I kept the notes and am letting them turn into other projects like this one.

The most interesting thing was, that by the end of the day, my head was pounding and I felt completely drained. It took me an entire day to feel close to my normal self again. It's difficult for me to explain, but it was almost as if all of the energy I absorb all day was too much to take. Everyone was wonderful and it was a fantastic day, but I don't normally like crowds and interacting with people is intense for me, so an entire day of it may have been pushing it. I just feel like if I give into that weakness I will have a smaller world that limits me, and I don't want that.

Safety is an illusion and so is control.