Oh Life. You can get old or die trying. When I see a post online where someone is declaring " Live life to the fullest because you never know!" I wonder what had them so lulled to sleep that they thought this life was forever. I used to be lulled too, but a day in 2010 and the subsequent events changed that, and I have been wide awake since.
Pre 2010, I thought I knew where my life was going. I was newly married, helping to raise two children, and daydreaming about my own kids and house. I was over trying to make it as an actor and ready to do the family thing. I don't look at it as settling, because I was so happy. Life changed in a blink of an eye. I blinked and it was different. Forever. Everything I was a part of was taken from me. It continued to change until I didn't even recognize it anymore. I was also fading away fast. That wasn't going to happen. I still felt the need to build. To create. To live (and to essentially run from the reality thrust upon me.)
The stage welcomed me back for that. My old friend and enemy. The art form that got me through -and yet created for me -some very dark years. I can't cradle my art form. I can't make the moments last, it's live performance after all. You can't really hold a child forever or make those moments last either. It's life performance after all.
But hey scrapbooks are cool right?
So, I sat down the other day and typed out a list of every number I have created since I started performing as Trulie. 26 solos at least. Lots of duets and group numbers. Most of my work involves building something in order to destroy it so I don't have any professional stills or videos of my work. Some great live performance shots and cell phone videos but nothing planned out. I approached Taryn of Columbus Pinup Studio to try and get some of this stuff captured. A scrapbook of my babies so to speak.
It's going to be an interesting project. I am going to make each costume, then get the numbers on video and have some professional pictures taken. I think I will record me making each costume too. With the sound off so you can't hear me cussing.
It is interesting to work in ephemera. The whole point is that it doesn't last. I am still susceptible to the need to preserve. I fought it up until I started to apply for festivals and people wanted to see my work. I do wonder if I will make it to an old age where I will watch these and smile, or if it's all pointless because I will be a lonely old lady and probably not even remember I did all of these things. Maybe someone will find it and roll their eyes or be inspired. Maybe no one will ever see it. Who knows? Really who cares!? I have to do this for myself because I want to. Sometimes you don't ask why, you just do it.
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